Title: Against His Better Judgment (previously known as Cicely, you were never a match to my Angel)
Notes: The Awakening Awards - the letter
Rating: PG mostly but R for some words (please do not be offended, I just thought these words would actually come out from Spike mouth)
None of these characters are mine, they were just borrowed...
Dedicated to Angelus2hot: thanks for the letter and support during this contest. It's just too much fun.
Word count: 567
The letter and challenge that inspired this can be found here:
Cicely, you were never a match to my Angel, by Pat
The cookie dough that is his brain is definitively cluttered if he thought for an instant that I wouldn’t make his life miserable now that he spilled his soul to me. Hell, I feel like something grandiose. I will order a mural for the majestic façade of his freaking hotel. After all he forces me to live in it; I can as well make myself cozy… Yep, my love declaration is going to be at the scale of the mansions he admires so much: big.
“…I brood too much and talk way too little about the things that matter.” You got that right bastard!
There is just no way, I’ll sit on something so good. That ought to teach him for keeping his emotions bottled up for so long; I was starting to wither there, actually feeling wretched!
“Too many times, I’ve walked away from you without telling you how much you mean to me.” And my heart still hasn’t mended itself over this.
I could have written first though, after all, his love for me grew against his better judgment, while for me, he’s always been my Yoda. Since that one time, I’ve known that his body, his hands, his evil sensibility were meant to make me happy, insanely happy, desperately happy.
“… the way you make me feel when I’m with you, all the ways you make me want to be the man you think I am.” That’s right, fess it up fatso, I am the light of your life. Pff, and to think they thought my poems were sappy!
We both were the men we should have been, but love and a soul turned our life around, got us lost.
“The horrors that you’ve seen don’t seem to matter.” Only because I am finally home, safe in your arms, Angel.
I don’t ever have to ask why he loves me, not that I bothered anyway. This letter though is the greatest gift he could give me since the Shanshu.
“… as you snuggle down further under the covers.” Hey lad, it’s freezing in this place, it’s not like I am still a vamp, I happen to like my comfort!
I snicker thinking about the soon to be banner that will hang in the entryway that will read in bright red and bold color: “I love you too, Peaches”: he’ll die, and then he’ll punish me for my insolence and then he’ll love me, and I will love him back like he’s never been before.
“… feeling your fingers caress my chest.” What a beautiful chest at that; strong, firm, and reassuring. I just can’t help myself.
I can’t believe he imagines a person resisting his physical charm, the man is a god!
“I couldn’t get close to anyone without fear of becoming a monster again.” That’s my freaky Sire for you! I had to break through his defenses, layer by layer.
Behind the destructive behavior of his monster, I could still see the lover. We both delve into our darker side, our insecurities; I am just better at seizing the day I suppose.
“From this moment on, I am yours.”
And now that the moment has occurred, I saunter to his greatness ready for the rough and tumble that will see the light under the warm shower he is taking. Life just got better.
The End. Thank you for reading this, Pat.
The letter refered to was written as a part of a challenge by Angelus2hot and here it is:
Title: Angel's Letter
Feedback: Yes Please! I'll even do the snoopy dance for it!
Summary: Angel writes a letter to his love.
Dedication: To Ms Hyde for the great betaing and for all the encouragement. A couple of the sentences are all hers. Thanks!
Dedication: To Pat for challenging me to write this fic and making me post it. I hope this is what you had in mind.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon and Co. I'm not making any money. I'm just playing with them. I'll give them back. Don't sue.
This is the only way I know how to say the things that I want – no, that I need - to say to you. I know I'm not a very vocal person. I brood too much and talk way too little about the things that matter.
Too many times I've walked away from you without telling you how much you mean to me. I don't want to ever give you a reason to doubt my love for you. That's why I'm writing you this letter.
I wanted to write down exactly how I feel about you, so that you will always know where you stand with me. I need you to know how important you are to me, the way you make me feel when I'm with you, all the ways that you make me want to be the man you think I am.
I'm sitting here on the sofa watching you while you sleep. You look so peaceful lying there. The horrors that you've seen don't seem to matter. I hope that I have something to do with that. A soft smile curves your lips as you snuggle down further under the covers.
All I can think about is how soon you will wake up, just so I can be with you again. I'm not talking about just making love with you, although being a part of you tonight was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Just being with you is special - holding you in my arms, feeling your heart beating against my skin, listening to you talk, feeling your fingers caress my chest. I want to have you always wake up in my arms. I want to hold your body close to mine and never let you go.
I've been alone and empty for years, and I knew that I deserved it. All around me was darkness. Nothing mattered. I couldn't get close to anyone without fear of becoming a monster again. And then one day you came into my life and you brought back the light.
You give me hope that my existence means something, that I can make a difference. You mean more to me than mere words can explain. You are my life, my very soul. Without you, I would be forced back into the darkness. I don't ever want to go there again. Without you, I am nothing.
The clock on the mantle just struck midnight. It's the beginning of a new year. I know we have some strikes against us from the start. My being a vampire is the major one. But I want to make you some promises for this New Year. I will do everything in my power to let you know more often how I feel about you. I promise to always hold you in my soul. From this moment on, I am yours.
You are the best part of me.
I love you, baby.